A Night in the Dormitory
by Mister Sprinkle Toes
Summary: Sirius was straight. Until he met Remus.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** This is my first fanfic. I worked very long on this piece of art, pulling all nighter for weeks on end. I skipped several meals in order to complete this. Countless times I scrapped my work, for the fear it may not have been good enough. But I am greatly fond of what I've come up with. I have really studied Remus' and Sirius' character, and hope I got them right. If you have any critique, please feel free to tell me.

This is dedicated to my good friend Ritsuka and my dead hamster Herman. Herman was a very good hamster, he never bit me, or took a shit on my floor. He always shitted in his cage. I was very greatful to Herman when he did this. I do not like shit on my floor. Ritsuka doesn't shit on my floor either, for this I am grateful. Thank you Rit.

Often, late at night I will think about Herman. Herman and I liked to read Harry Potter together. His favorite character was Sirius, while mine is Remus. We were going to write a fanfiction together, but he died before we could start. I cry every night thinking about Herman.

I love you Herman. No hamster could ever replace you.

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**A Night in the Dormitory**

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IT WAS LATE, VERY LATE. REMUS WAS IN BED. HE WASN'T SLEEPING. THE MOON WAS KINDA HALF FULL, LIKE A GLASS OF WATER. ONLY NOT. CAUSE IT WAS THE MOON. ANYWAYS REMUS' HAND HAD TRAVELED INTO HIS PANTIES. HE FELT NICE IN THEM. THEY MADE HIM FEEL SEXY. HE LIKED TO PULL DOWN HIS PANTS AND FLICK HIS WICK. BUT ANYWAYS, HIS HAND. IT WAS IN HIS PANTIES AND HE WAS WHOMPING HIS WILLOW. IT WAS VERY SEXY. AND HE WAS SAYING "OH AH OOOOH" "DON'T STOP" "OMG" "PLEASE" "SO GOOD" "I LOVE YOU"

SIRIUS WOKE UP AND GOT OUT OF BED. HE WAS NAKED AND MUSCULAR AND HAD SHINY BLACK HAIR LIKE THE NIGHT. HE ALSO HAD PERFECTLY DONE KOHL-EYELINER. EVEN THOUGH HE WAS JUST SLEEPING IT WAS STILL PERFECT LIKE HIM. HIS PENIS WAS BIG. REMUS LIKED TO THINK OF SIRIUS' PENIS WHILE HE WAS WHOMPING HIS WILLOW. SIRIUS OPENED UP REMUS' BED BLIND THINGS AND SAID "OMG REMUS WHAT ARE YOU DOING" AND REMUS SAID "OH SIRIUS HARDER" "OH SEXY DARLING" "I LOVE YOUR PENIS" "IT'S SO BIG" "OMG"

AND THEN REMUS OPENED UP HIS EYES AND SAW SIRIUS. SIRIUS' PENIS WAS HARD AND IN REMUS' FACE. REMUS WAS EXCITED HE STUCK HIS TONGUE OUT LIKE A DOG AND THEN HE REALIZED THAT MOON WAS ACTUALLY FULL AND HE WAS ALL LIKE "OH SHI----" AND TRANSFORMED. IT WAS PAINFUL AND STUFF. THEN HE PUT HIS WEREWOLF PENIS IN SIRIUS AND SIRIUS' ORGANS WERE RIPPED APART. IT WAS HOT. AND THEN JAMES WOKE UP AND DID REMUS FROM BEHIND AND THEN PETER WOKE UP AND ATE SOME BROCOLLI. HE LIKES BROCOLLI.

AND THEN STARFIRE AMETHYST MOON LEGOLAS DUMBLEDOR ENTERED THE ROOM. SHE WAS RELATED TO SIRIUS AND REMUS AND DUBLEDORE AND SNAPE. SNAPE WAS HER FATHER IN THE FUTURE. SHE FELL INTO THE ORGY AND WAS ALL "I'M VOLDEMORT'S NEICE I'M HERE TO SAVE YOU" "I'M ALSO SNAPES DAUGHTER AND DUMBLEDORE'S GRANDSON AND REMUS' GODCHILD AND SIRIUS' WIFE"

AND THEN REMUS ATE HER.

**THE END**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Because of popular demand, I have written a second chapter. I do not understand all the reviews I have gotten. You seem to think I am joking. This story is very important to me, and is dedicated to my closest friend. I would not write such a thing for Herman.

I've decided to respond to a few reviews that popped out to me.

_LeapingMoonshadow_: Thank you, this has inspired me to write more and more. I'm glad my story has helped you through difficult times.

_Bottlebrush_: Please do not lie to me.

_Kittycatsnak_: Thank you. I don't understand why you put "lol."

_LoquaciousGirl_: It is a serious story.

_Herb_: I wrote in uppercase to give it more feeling. Perhaps I wanted to yell.

_Lemon Drop_: It isn't a parody or a humor though. Nor is it a crackfic.

_Promiscuous Misprocuous_: It wasn't meant to be hilarious, but thank you. I'm sorry about your kitty.

_CB_: I'm sorry.

To everyone else: Why are you all laughing?

Because of everyone saying I should not type in caps (although I did so for feeling), I have decided to type this chapter normally. Chapter Two is dedicated to giant whales for instilling fear into everyone's minds.

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Albus Dumbledore often enjoyed peaking into the boys bathroom. Every now and then he would catch a second year holding his willy and letting the stream of yellow flow into the urinals.

That very morning at exactly 7:25, he spotted Remus Lupin and Sirius Black having a bit of a rub rub in the stall. This made Dumbledore happy. He flung open his robes and a beam of light shined forth from his 15 inch throbbing manhood. It was a magical moment. The exact same moment that he opened his robes, the stall door opened and there stood a nude Remus being fucked up the bum by an equally nude Sirius black. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled majestically. "My dear, dear boys…" He began, showing off his manhood with great pride. Remus opened his honey eyes in anticipation. "Oh… Dumbled-…dore!" He gasped, gripping onto the wall. Sirius grunted and came massively at the name of his headmaster. He wiped the sweat from his kohl lined eyes, which stayed perfect, just like him. "Oh… sexy darling, Remmy, you are so amazing… Lets fuck again." Dumbledore apparated behind Sirius, and whispered into his ear, "Mind if I join?"

At that moment, the door to the bathroom opened with a slam. There stood James in his sweaty Quidditch robes. He stared at the three men, and a bulge became very apparent. "Sirius… Remus… D-…Dumbledore?!" He gasped in shock. This was his ultimate wet dream. The bulge became larger and larger until it ripped open his robes and stood out proudly. "My dear boy … That is a very proud wand… and strong too…" whispered Dumbledore sensually. "Why don't you come stand behind me…?" The headmaster wiggled his elderly backside and put a finger to his lips.

James quickly dropped the remains of his robes and walked to stand behind the older man. He rested his hands on Albus' flabby hips and plunged his penis deep inside. At the same time, Dumbledore stuck his penis in Sirius and they all began to hump. Remus' werewolf cock punctured a whole in the whale, and he began to fuck it. They all kept in rhythm, and their moans and grunts made beautiful music throughout Hogwarts.

James allowed his hands to slowly make their way to Dumbledore's hairy breasts. He squeezed and fondled and listened to the lovely sounds his headmaster made. Dumbledore threw his head back in ecstasy, and his silver hair wrapped itself around James' balls and caressed.

Many people had to use the bathroom at this time, and the door opened yet again. In his greasy glory, Snape stared with his mouth wide open. "Black… Lupin… Dumbledore… P-Potter!?"

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	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Every time I get a review, I want to weep with joy. Herman would have loved this. I miss Herman so much…

On to a different topic, I give thanks to the Mole People for helping us keep the sun in the sky. Without the Mole People, the sun would fall from the sky and destroy the Earth. Aliens would then proceed to take over and keep the survivors as slaves. By aliens, I do not mean extraterrestrials, I mean illegal immigrants. I also thank all the dugongs for being related to the dolphin. You are beautiful creatures, no matter what anyone says.

This chapter is dedicated to the Japanese readers I have. Arigatou ohayo kawaii sashimi desu hai sugoi ramen desu desu~!

_EvilLittleNer_d: I forgive you. I wish I too could have heard the music.

_HermioneAndDraco4eva_: Herman would say something more like, "Squeak! Squeak squeak! Chirp squeak!" though I'm sure it would have translated to what you said.

_Bottlebrush_: If I meant peeking, I would say peeking. You are a liar, good sir.

_PandaPens_: Why were you laughing?

_Fugglymama_: Herman liked other boy hamsters.

_adamantlemon_: Thank you. This compliment made me weep with joy. I printed it and took it to Herman's grave and dug up his body and read it to him. He seemed to glow with joy and pride for me. But then I had to bury him again, and yet again I wept. Why do you have to cause me so much pain?

Please don't be scared to review. I'm a very nice person.

**Author's Note on Author's Note**: I'm sorry for the long wait. I wrote most of this a months ago. I had hit a horrible spot of writer's block, and felt Herman's shame for me. I picked myself up from the floor of mushy thoughts, AND I WROTE FOR YOU. YOU! And Herman. Herman comes first. You will always be second. You will never be as beautiful as Herman…

Oh… Herman… how I miss you…

**Author's Note on Author's Note on Author's Note**: This is also dedicated to children in electric wheelchairs. I hope you never get struck by lightning.

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_Many people had to use the bathroom at this time, and the door opened yet again. In his greasy glory, Snape stared with his mouth wide open. "Black… Lupin… Dumbledore… P-Potter!"_

Snape stared, horrified. The only noise he could hear was the moans and grunts of the foursome and the squeaks of a rat. He couldn't see the rat, but he could hear it. It was in the room, somewhere, watching. He saw something move in the corner. There it was, there was the rat. The creature started growing, and changing form, until there stood Peter Pettigrew. The sweating, aroused boy removed his wand from his pocket and pointed it at Severus. "_Erecto_!" He shouted. Severus began to feel his lower regions twitching and growing. He attempted to cover the bulge with his hands, but it had been seen by Dumbledore. Peter reached forward and held onto Snape's wand, his clammy hands rubbing along the hard wood. Snape felt heat going from the top of his head down to his head. He watched as Peter bent down towards the wand, licking sensually. His loins tickled. Snape wanted to deny the urge to have Pettigrew's tongue on him. He wanted to move, run away, get away from the smell of sex. Alas, his entire mind and body would not let him move from the spot, and he couldn't help but wish that Peter would have a taste of his true wand.

"Ughn…! Faster, my boy! Faster!" Dumbledore urged the raven-haired Gryffindor. James followed his Headmaster's orders, ramming his fleshy broomstick in and out of Albus' hairy buttocks. Everyone came simultaneously, and sparks flew. James pulled out of Albus, Albus pulled out of Sirius, Sirius pulled out of Remus, and Remus pulled out from the hole in the whale. They staggered away from the wall, all out of breath and panting. James turned to face Dumbledore and gasped when he saw Snape and his good friend Peter. He watched as Peter drooled on Snape's wand and coated it with thick saliva, gazing up at Severus and batting his eyelashes.

Snape moaned and ripped open his robes. Everyone gasped at the size of Snape's true wand, for it was bigger than even Dumbledore's. Dumbledore licked his lips and moved James to the side. James frowned, "B... but Professor! I thought we had something special..." The Gryffindor felt tears form in the corner of his eyes. No one loved him. Not Lily, and not even Dumbledore.

Albus shushed the boy and moved closer to Severus, "My dear, dear boy... That slick wand is even thicker than that of my old lover. Oh, how we would wheel across the sandy beaches and how I would listen to his voice, telling me how much he loved me. Alas... magic and muggle science could never go hand in hand..." He reached down and moved his hand along Severus' wand, watching the Slytherin's eyes flicker upwards, "But enough of old lovers. This is not the time or place," Dumbledore's eyes twinkled and Severus moaned loudly, "Oh Professor!"

James' face went red with rage, "No! Professor Dumbledore is _mine_!" He took out his wand and aimed at Severus, "_Petrificus Totalus_!" The Slytherin's body went stiff and fell to the ground, his wand standing straight up and proud. He swiftly bent down to his knees and angrily began licking at Snape's nipples and continued down towards the boy's greasy navel. He slathered his tongue across the wet wand, glaring at Snape, "Is this what you want?" Snape moaned and attempted to move, but he could not. James stood again and turned quickly away from the Slytherin, "Well you can't have it! Not from me, Peter, Dumbledore, or Lily!" Dumbledore put his hand up to object but quickly put it down again at the glare that James sent his way.

Potter waved his wand and made clothes appear back on his body, and Remus and Sirius and Peter all did the same, "Let's go solve mysteries and shit!" The Marauders all nodded and left the room, leaving only Dumbledore and Snape.


End file.
